I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
