It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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