**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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