Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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