so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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