Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize