Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
