I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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