Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
