Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
