I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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