I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
