Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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