the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
