I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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