She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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