remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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