I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
