you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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