He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
