he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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