my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
