If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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