And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
