Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
