I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
