he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
