He is an equal opportunity slut.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
