And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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