Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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