I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
