who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
