Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
