I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
