3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
