Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
