I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
