That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
