new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
