there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
