there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
