I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
should my penis look like a turkey
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We just shotgunned beers for America
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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