wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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