Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
