see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
