Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
