i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
