you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize