i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's a Shit stain on my heart
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
