i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Randomize
