did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize