I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
