you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
