She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i think i have two assholes
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize