dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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