I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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