So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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