Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
