Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
