Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Threesome in a minivan. New low
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
