i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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