Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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