Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's shark week go big or go home
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
